christmas is such an amazing time of year. everyone loves it for different reasons, and i was so pleased just to share it with my family for the last time in the house i grew up in. after all the festivities my mom and i were going through all my old stuff and came upon all these letters. letters from camp, from a difficult time in my life, from brithdays, graduations, valentines days, notes from girlfriends at school, notes from boys in high school, notes from dissapointed parents and teachers, and gloriously happy parents and teachers, i love you letters, i miss you cards, thank you's...it was truely amazing. i must have had 100's of letters from people who care about me. and i had to throw so many of them away. i mean where does one keep all this stuff?!?!?! it makes me sad even now, to think of all those beautiful letters in the trash, very sad for me to throw away all those beautiful words. but how and why should i keep them?

my mom and i discussed the prospect of keeping all these niceties and found it compeltely over whelming. i know she loves me and she knows i love her.

the only thing that made any sense to keep were letters that were hard to read. becuase you know that you didn't really read them, or take them to heart when you initally recevied them or maybe you were too distraught to even consider reading them when you first received them, so having them now seems like a blessing. now you can read them and really take it all in, recognize the weakness and strengths those letters outlined. see your progress or remission, see yourself in a new chapter of your life or how you haven't changed at all and perhaps only your circumstances have. regardless, the sad letters made sense to hold on to. maybe i'm my own worst demon and i need depressing letters to remind me of how good i've got it now, or maybe i just have the worst memory and need a little reminder on how i got to be who i am.

my grandmother saved these dresses...she too had trouble throwing things of beauty away.