christmas is such an amazing time of year. everyone loves it for different reasons, and i was so pleased just to share it with my family for the last time in the house i grew up in. after all the festivities my mom and i were going through all my old stuff and came upon all these letters. letters from camp, from a difficult time in my life, from brithdays, graduations, valentines days, notes from girlfriends at school, notes from boys in high school, notes from dissapointed parents and teachers, and gloriously happy parents and teachers, i love you letters, i miss you cards, thank you's...it was truely amazing. i must have had 100's of letters from people who care about me. and i had to throw so many of them away. i mean where does one keep all this stuff?!?!?! it makes me sad even now, to think of all those beautiful letters in the trash, very sad for me to throw away all those beautiful words. but how and why should i keep them?

my mom and i discussed the prospect of keeping all these niceties and found it compeltely over whelming. i know she loves me and she knows i love her.

the only thing that made any sense to keep were letters that were hard to read. becuase you know that you didn't really read them, or take them to heart when you initally recevied them or maybe you were too distraught to even consider reading them when you first received them, so having them now seems like a blessing. now you can read them and really take it all in, recognize the weakness and strengths those letters outlined. see your progress or remission, see yourself in a new chapter of your life or how you haven't changed at all and perhaps only your circumstances have. regardless, the sad letters made sense to hold on to. maybe i'm my own worst demon and i need depressing letters to remind me of how good i've got it now, or maybe i just have the worst memory and need a little reminder on how i got to be who i am.

my grandmother saved these dresses...she too had trouble throwing things of beauty away.

It's hard to describe the last few weeks. Lee & I had two dogs for about a week and I thought I was going to have a nervous break-down. He was amazing. Tolerant, patient, kind & dilligent. It's so hard to live when you have 2 dogs within 500 sq ft. that do not get along. It was actually more that they LIKED each other SO much that you couldn't leave them together for more than 5 minutes or they would torment each other. Like a bad relationship. Lucy, a lab/pit mix, still awaiting a new foster or permananet home, is a delightful pooch inside. Very docile & sweet, but not really interested in Oilvia. Lucy wanted to be left alone, while Olivia was like a younger sister..."Lucy, Lucy, LUCY C'mon... play with me, play with me, PLAY WITH ME." Well, you can imagine how quickly that went south. Too bad, we would have loved to have kept Lucy, but she has been though alot & it isn't fair to stress her more because Olivia doesn't know when to quit.

Speaking of Olivia...she is amazing. She was returned from her adoptive parents because she was, "too much work." Frankly, i'm not sure what they were expecting, but she has come SO FAR since just a week ago. I've taught her how to heel & Lee taught her paw! She is so obedient...still with A LOT of puppy left in her, but wow...she's s great dog.

The foster situation with Lucy is stressing me to no end & just the bullshit & politics of the CACC make me crazy. Is is better to pull a dog off the euthanasia list and have it shipped around from home to home with no real end of the road in sight or & possibly have the dog end up in a less than "good" home, OR is it better to let them die a short, painless death. I don't know...it isn't my call. I just know that the time, effort & tears I've put into Lucy these past 2 weeks have been exhausting and VERY stressful. I've been sick with various stress-related health issues and had trouble sleeping. It's amazing how quickly things can become out of hand ... please foster, please donate to your local shelters, please think of all the homeless pets this christmas. your love and compassion is needed more than you know... please contact me to foster or adopt.

Locy Playing...


Lucy's beautiful face.


Little Miss Olivia